The Sootnoob Banker - Part II

Have you ever had one of those jobs which fills you with palpable dread and foreboding the minute you begin thinking about the next day of work? I have. But I’m pleased to say this entry isn’t going to talk about that. In truth, my first weeks of training at RBC have been educational, interesting and, dare I say actually rather enjoyable?
    It took a long time to get established at RBC. Due to all the accommodations, paperwork and vacation to Michigan, I ended up starting training a month after my original start date. I mentioned in passing the accommodations assessment. Essentially it was an hour of me explaining every facet of myself and my blindness to a lady who took meticulous notes and asked a lot of questions. In the end, we established that I would need three things. A screen reader (Jaws in this case) to read the vast flow of information. A screen magnification program  which will allow me to navigate, and read everything on my computer screen. And a desktop magnifier. This will allow me to read the various evil works of paper handed to me, such as cheques, bills, pieces of ID and sloppily written robbery notes. Here’s hoping that last doesn’t happen. In addition the bank also ordered me not one, but two 24 inch computer monitors. I’m not sure why they did two, and in truth I wasn’t sure how helpful even one would be. But I’ve found it makes things a great deal easier, and I am very thankful to have it.
    Special mention must be made to my Smart View desktop magnifier. It’s essentially a large computer screen with a swivel arm-mounted camera which pans 360 degrees. With it I am able to see straight across a room or down a long hallway in vivid detail. I can pick out the details of someone walking thirty feet away. To put it in perspective, I I’d be able to see a person at five feet. I’d know their gender and a few general features. Ten feet and I’d only be able to tell you there was a person standing there. This piece of equipment revolutionizes how I see. It also acts as a means of reading text and seeing the minute details in objects. Imagine thinking a piece of cloth is a solid color with no pattern, only to zoom in and discover a spectrum of vivid designs you didn’t even know it held. It’s a whole new way to see, and if they ever succeed in miniaturizing it to the point where it becomes completely portable, life might just get a whole lot simpler.
    I am pleased to report that there was enough put in place at the dawn of my first day at RBC to make participating in the e-classroom learning programs more or less accessible. I am still waiting for a screen reader, but the magnification program I use does have reasonable screen-reading capabilities which I’ve been able to adapt to.

    My first few days of training were spent familiarizing myself with the branch, new accessibility software and pieces of RBC communication software – Microsoft Outlook, Office Communicator (Like Messenger) and a program called SABA. This last is a program which coordinates our e-classroom learning. We have thirty-two students in BC, Alberta, Ontario and somewhere in the North-west Territories. We meet via voice over IP for one to two classroom sessions every day. These sessions, while primarily educational are extremely interactive. We are encouraged to ask questions and discuss the answers. There is a fair bit of book learning too via an online E-campus. But some of that is out-of-date, and so we’re asked to focus primarily on the class notes and learning binder. The material started off simple enough, but more on that later. The only problem is that good old SABA uses a lot of features which a totally blind person would be lost with, such as an interactive white board which can show anything from notes, to power-point slides, to the instructor’s computer screen itself. This means I usually have to read text visually, which is something I don’t do very fast.
    It’s been a little difficult getting accustomed to everything. But that’s alright. Before I even started I had the opportunity to talk to a lady in Kamloops who has worked for RBC for two years. She too is visually impaired, though to a lesser extent. It’s been really great talking to her. I felt a great deal better after doing so. She also introduced me to the Reach program, which is a sort of support group for RBC employees with disabilities. But it gets better. My instructor is extremely understanding and willing to accommodate anything I need. She sends me documents electronically, and though they’re in PDF format, they are pretty easy to navigate through. In addition I am in contact with an IT specialist in Ontario who knows a fair bit about JAWS, and Zoom Text. Knowing I can have accessibility questions answered makes me feel much more confident. That knowledge that if something really doesn’t work, RBC will attempt to find ways to make it work is something I’ve never had before.
The support doesn’t stop there. In truth, I have been overwhelmed by how supportive and genuinely interested people in the branch are with me. Everyone is incredible there. They aren’t just people who work at the same place. They’re people who work together. Cheesy perhaps, but accurate. I’ve never experienced a positive environment quite like this. It’s miles away from my time at NCO. They treat me like a human being – a co-worker who is valued an interesting as a person. They are interested in my blindness too, and I’m completely okay with answering their questions.
    The training program itself is really as easy as we make it. At least that’s what I’d like to think. I’ve learned a great deal about how to facilitate day-to-day transactions. In truth I understand the how of the job reasonably well. The when on the other hand is certainly a brain-full. They teach you in a very black-and-while manner. This is what you need to conduct this transaction, this is how you obtain it, this is when you ask for that, and this is how you recognize this. Was that confusing in a vague, uninformative sort of way? Well that’s sort of how I feel. I soon learned that there is a lot of gray to this job, and a lot of it has to do with common sense. We’re quickly taught to act on instinct when dealing with suspicious transactions. This is money. And because money makes many people’s worlds turn we’re taught the various ways to recognize fraud and money laundering. And all that is pretty easy. But the sheer amount of information and policy is staggering! There are forms to fill out, and forms detailing how to fill out those forms … Okay, perhaps I’m embellishing a little. But you get the idea. The information is vast, and many times I find myself drowning in it. And even in that everyone’s been very supportive. It’s been drilled into me that there’s no way to accumulate all that information without experiencing transactions first hand. All of this will come in time, and it’s important to step back at times and realize you don’t need to memorize everything.
    And so we come to the other aspect of the training: on-the-job experience. I’m beginning my fourth week of training on Tuesday, and already I’ve had a reasonable amount of experience dealing with living, breathing RBC clients. Of course at this time I’m only an active observer. I can interact with the clients who come in, but because I don’t yet have any equipment set up on the front lines, I can’t process any transactions. I just know that as soon as I can do so, many of the concepts I’m learning will fall into place. For now, I’m learning to just be me. I have been told I am pleasant and interact well with the clients. That makes me feel good, because this is one of the most important aspects of my job. Anyone who dislikes working with a wide variety of people need not apply, let me tell you.
    While I have been unable to perform transactions on the front lines, I have had the opportunity to play around with some of the tools which RBC employs to perform various tasks. They are all quite straight-forward and intuitive. They’re also very keyboard and screen-reader friendly, which makes navigating and utilizing them much easier than I ever dreamed it would be. There are hotkeys and other commands which allow for easy and swift keyboard navigation. I’m quite confident that after some time I will be as fast as anyone else on the technical side of the job.
    This brings me to my only real concern with the job, and it is the one that many of my visually impaired readers may be wondering about. This would be the sheer amount of paperwork involved in the job. We’re talking cheques, money-orders, bills, bank statements, forms, bills, cheques, cash, cheques and of course, that ever daunting robbery note. Now, I haven’t written anything aside from a few slight notes and general signatures since I was in grade 1. After that I began reading and writing Braille, and now that I’m out of high school, everything’s electronic. I find myself needing to relearn how to write, or even print. There won’t be a ton to write, but there will be enough to make relearning necessary. I’m concerned about this because I don’t write well, and I don’t write fast. It’s also hard for me to write, even when the paper is magnified because the way my magnifier works, a camera is pointed at the piece of paper, and when I move my hand to write, my hand obscures the page. It’s writing blind in a different way! More daunting yet is the sheer amount of penned writing I’ll need to read visually. Signatures, dollar amounts, messages,. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you’ve got a client waiting, and you can’t read their writing, you can’t really act fast. And let me tell you dear readers, nearly all the people who come in might see better than me, but you wouldn’t know it with their penmanship! When you get to the point where you can’t even read your own printing, you might want to consider other options.
    Many of my previous fears were laid to rest when I realized this isn’t a job that demands immediate action. It’s okay to take a moment to look over everything. Better that then cashing a fraudulent cheque because you didn’t make sure the cheque was authentic. Everyone I’ve shadowed there takes their time, and rarely do clients get impatient. I think after a while I’ll be alright.
    There’s just one more thing for me to tell you, dear readers. Last week was “Employee appreciation week”. Every day we spin a wheel to win prizes. The first two days I one two paid hours off. Perfect for going to get myself a much-needed haircut! They also fed us Tim Horton’s breakfast on Tuesday, A Pizza lunch on Wednesday, and a delicious barbecued lunch on Friday, a day where we all had the opportunity to strip off our suits and skirts (at home) and come into work wearing jeans and only semi-dressy shirts. It was great!
    That Friday night a number of us hopped on a multi-seated bike and rode around the Woodgrove vicinity to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. The bike had three columns of seats, with maybe ten or more seats to a column. They put me, the resident blind guy front and center on the bike. Had they also expected me to steer us around the streets, the night might have ended quite differently. But the steering was done by the man to my left, and so together we all raised a few thousand dollars. Not bad for a hard twenty-minutes peddling.
    There’s little more I can think to say. The past few weeks have been very interesting. I am pleased to call myself an RBC employee, and I look forward to the weeks ahead. I’m sure it won’t always be as great as it has been, but for now it’s been a great experience, and I’m excited to see where it will all lead.

Where do we go from here? I want the world to tell me, please!

When Remy got his job we were beyond thrilled, like ecstatic and with us staying here it left me lots of options. We were so geared up to move that when the news came we were staying the question was...what was I going to do? I currently have three options: go back to school, get a job, or keep staying at home. Honestly I feel so overwhelmed because each has such big pros and cons plus everyone seems to have an opinion except me, I have no idea what to do. So here I go writing it all down to see it helps.


Stay at home: I'm currently a stay-at-home wife and I love it. In a few years I probably won't remember how I kept myself busy I'm going to write down my loose schedule so I always remember how amazing it was and to answer the question that I keep getting "What do you do all day?"
Wake up with Remy and make him breakfast
Eat breakfast together
Exercise
Take a shower
Read scriptures
Work on personal progress
Work on a project (these change depending on the day I make our own cleaning products, laundry soap, liquid hand soap, my own rice flour, make bread, laundry, visiting teaching, young women's stuff etc.)
Have lunch
Make the bed, clean the floors, clean the bathroom, pick up the rest of the house
Get dinner started
Do dishes
Make Remy's lunch
return e-mail, make phone calls
Work on Remy's surprise for the day (which I've been able to keep doing :) )
Finish dinner and get it on the table
We don't have children, I'm not working so I love being able to do all of these things for us. It's been wonderful to say yes when people ask me for a favor or to help them out with something. I do really enjoy it and Remy always tells me how much he appreciates all of things I do. There are two cons so far, I don't get paid (boo!) and I get lonely being by myself for 10 hours without even a cat or fish to talk to.

Back to school: It would be a great time to do this. I would go back and do some upgrading courses which we currently qualify for them to be free, again we don't have kids so I would be able to go and then do homework with little to no interruptions. Cons: I only kind of have a long term goal of what I want to do. I have always wanted to be a wife and mother, honestly not much else. I went into the accounting program because it was going to be paid for and it's something I could do from home eventually not because I had a passion for it. I could easily have a career with the certificate that I have so if I don't know what I want to do differently why go back when I could be earning some money?
Although just last night I shared with Remy something that I am really passionate about and what (I think) I would love to do for a living. He is the only person I shared my idea with (after a few hours of him begging me to share) because I am so afraid that if I start telling people what I want to do I will get too many negative opinions about it and lose my enthusiasm. I'm really nervous about it because it will more than likely take about 5 years of schooling to complete. Remy is super supportive and told me to go for it and that we would figure it out. I also feel like I'm already 24 I will more than likely be 30 before I finish everything and what about us having children in the mix will that delay things and our current plan is for me to stay at home with the kids so would it all be worth the thousands of dollars? How much retraining would I need once I'm ready to go back into the workforce after kids?

Get a job: In the next few years Remy and I have things we would like to do (buy a car, house, go on a cruise, build up retirement, nest egg etc.) and they all cost money so in order to make those things happen faster the more money we make now the better. I could have a career not just a job.
Cons: We wouldn't enjoy the same life we have now i.e. I wouldn't make nearly as many things as I do now, I wouldn't be able to help people as much, Remy would have to help with chores more. We would no longer qualify for me to do free upgrading when I am ready which means we will need to save even more money for when I go back. I also think we will get used to the money and it will make it even more difficult to go back to school when the time comes or maybe I might just lose motivation.

I feel like every single time I think about these options I make a different decision although staying home, while I really enjoy it, isn't going to happen much longer. *sigh* I feel like so much depends on the this decision, like this is a crossroad in my life and what I choose now will decide what path my life takes. At the same time I also feel like in a few years from now I will look back and feel silly for worrying so much. I do feel so blessed that I even have this to worry about because so many people all over the world don't have all of these options available to them.

We will get it figured out soon, I have no doubt.

The Suitnoob Banker - Part I

In the autumn of 2004 I struck out on my own from Prince George and settled in the drippy city of Nanaimo. After a couple months I landed my first job, that as a technical support representative for Microsoft. It was a thankless job, and I worked it for nearly four years. There was laughter, frustration, learning, corporate poo-buttery,human silliness, tempermental computers and countless muted microphone rants. It inspired what many consider my most amusing story to date – careful, a little swearing – and I gained some valuable skills, chief among them patience and low-level computer upkeep. But all mediocre things must come to an end as they say in – oh heck, I just made that up. After nearly four years I got married, and a month later I was given the bronze handshake – laid off from NCO due “officially” to accessibility issues with new software.

For the last four years I’ve searched this squelchy port city for meaningful and long-term employment, with the desire to provide Chelsea and I with a comfortable life riding on my back like a lice-ridden monkey. Rejected from Shaw Communications twice, I sought less ambitious customer service employment opportunities for a long time. It was all I knew; all I felt qualified for. I dreamed of going a different direction, but I never honestly believed I’d have an opportunity to get out of such dead-end work.

 In the last two years I’ve had the opportunity – however fleeting of working with some wonderful individuals. I’ve gained experience in documentary and feature writing, narration, promotion and even audio transcription. I’ve discovered a love for audio design and have created two audio theatre pieces , the Noire inspired A Contract of Souls, and the alternate world fantasy Dreamlight. And I’ve discovered that while I have very little aptitude for it, I actually do have a little bit of talent in playing the piano and keyboard. But none of these experiences could have prepared me for the direction my professional life would take me. I said not long ago that no matter what happens this year, life wouldn’t be the same. How right I was.

Please indulge me while I create a little bit of context. Last summer I was visiting my local TD bank here at Beaufort Center, and on a whim I asked a teller one day just what sort of experience I would need in order to be considered to work there. At that point I was really willing to try almost anything besides prostitution and telemarketing. After briefly explaining the kind of work I’d done in the past, she highly suggested I apply, as they were hiring. And so I did the unthinkable in this day and age. I introduced myself and my disability to their manager, and I left her with a resume, completely bypassing the online process. I expected little, yet I was bolstered by a few positive references and a reasonably decent resume. I thought it would be perfect! I could help people, learn about the overwhelming yet essential world of finance, and walk to work every day.

 Chelsea was thrilled, and very supportive. She felt that while I wouldn’t get this job, it would lead me to something else in the near future. Even though I had an in, I still had to spend some time going through the online application process. Next came the phone interview, which was a step further than I’d gotten in a long time. and then it happened. The manager who I’d already introduced myself to called me in for an interview. Though I tried to maintain a calm exterior, secretly I was ecstatic.

 But the promising interview came and went, and in the end I was positively rejected. I say positively because though I wasn’t hired, it was one of the more optimistic rejections I’ve received. The manager passed my resume along to another division of TD, and after yet another promising interview for an IT position I wasn’t really comfortable with – or qualified for - I was once again turned down. Nevertheless everyone in the branch kept telling me to keep applying. For the first time I wasn’t as disheartened by a rejection. I’d never considered going into banking, but now that it was a thought in my mind, I found myself hard-pressed to let it go.

Fast forward to January 2012. Chelsea’s newly-found pregnancy turned our world upside down and stripped off all its what-ifs. Suddenly all those big decisions we kept putting off became of the utmost importance. How will we support ourselves? And where would we live? Would we stay in Nanaimo, or move to Ontario like we kept saying we’d do? At the time I was part of the Lime Connect program, which worked with participating businesses to reach out to potential employees with various disabilities. The thirteenth of January saw me attending an employment conference in Vancouver where I would have the opportunity to meet one-on-one with potential employers for informational interviews. And who was there? Not one, but three banks, one of which was TD. Perfect!

The conference went great. TD seemed overjoyed to see me again, and I was supposed to hear from them in the coming weeks. BMO seemed interested too, though I wasn’t sure what they really thought. The only bank which didn’t seem all that impressed with my credentials was RBC. They made it a point to explain that sales experience was a major asset, and while I’d done some up-selling and promotion, that’s one area of expertise I was sorely lacking. Nevertheless they liked me as a person.

After that, Chelsea and I decided to give Nanaimo until the beginning of may. If nothing came of this conference, or if I couldn’t find anything else, we’d migrate to theoretical bigger and better opportunities in Ontario. At least there we’d be closer to family.

Then we lost our little one, and as quick as that, everything changed again. Nevertheless we held to our plan.

Weeks passed, and I heard nothing from TD. But RBC, the one company who didn’t seem interested contacted me, and I found myself going through the same steps as before; online application, phone interview, and after many weeks, a real interview with real people. By this time I didn’t kid myself with any expectations. Yet I found myself working hard to research the company and its values. I felt the need to work harder than I ever had before. Perhaps it was my barely disguised apprehension of moving to Ontario. Or maybe I’d traveled so far down the rope of rejection that I’d finally come to the noose at its end. But I was determined to leave a good impression if nothing else; one last harrow as a testament of all I’d learned about job-seeking. And so I prepared for whatever would happen.

The interview went extremely well, but then most of them had, right? I was very up-front about who I was, what I was, and what I could do. I explained that I’ve always loved people, and that working in a financial institution would give me a great opportunity to teach others to take charge of their finances, and learn about them myself. I left the interview feeling really good, but not expecting anything to come of it. By then I had resigned myself to the impending move. Maybe I wasn’t looking forward to it exactly, but I was beginning to imagine the possibilities instead of dwelling on the trials.

The call came the next day. The moment I picked up the phone and heard my interviewer’s voice, I felt sure I’d be rejected. I even shook my head and mouthed “no” to Chelsea. I can’t see facial expressions, but I imagine my eye balls must have nearly dribbled out of their sockets when he said “we would like to offer you the job”.

I felt the world dim a little. I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right? I almost asked him to repeat himself. I couldn’t believe it! For the third time in less than five months I felt our lives shifting directions. All of a sudden our carefully laid plans, the downsizing, the cross-country research, all of it disappeared for me. All of a sudden I had hope. I was employed, and after four years of searching, it was long-term. And more. For the first time in my life, I had the inkling that I could find a place of employment where I could learn and grow, and where there was no glass ceiling beyond that which practicality might lay on my muddled eyes.

The weeks leading up to my first day of training were full of preliminary paperwork, accessibility assessments and deep, almost teenage boy relaxation. With no more job hunting being necessary, and no stress about what to do next, I was free to just enjoy the heck out of my various hobbies. And so I read, wrote, played video games, spent time with Chelsea and devoted a little more time to practicing the piano and keyboard, all without any guilt. And it was glorious!

Then, both too soon and after too long, my first day as an RBC suitnoob banker began. But that, my friends is for another entry.

It's been a hard day's night. And I've been working like a dog.

We made it. We made it through Remy's first official week at the bank.  Remy really enjoys his training, loves the company so far, and is enjoying the people he is working with. As a wife I couldn't be happier to hear this, and as the one working there Remy is pretty happy about it too.

It certainly has been an adjustment for our family though. Remy and I both have had different jobs throughout our marriage but for the last year Remy has been working from home so we've gotten to spend all our time together. Anytime I've needed help with something, some extra attention, or we needed to go somewhere he has been able to take a break and I have loved it, well 95% of the time I'm not a saint. :) Now Remy is gone 10 hours a day and we are learning a new rhythm. We certainly aren't complaining because we couldn't be more thankful for his job, it's just learning a new way of life. I make sure to have all the chores done, dinner on the table, and any phone calls or e-mails made so we can just have the evenings together and Remy can just relax.


I wanted to make Remy's first week of work special so I decided I would do something to surprise him everyday when he got home. It has been a blast coming up with different things to do and I love how surprised he is.

The first day was a plate of his favorite sugar cookies, I made them *Warning strong stomachs only* in hearts because I love him and stars because he's my super star (we both laughed super hard when I told him the reason for the stars) :

 The second day I made a "Welcome Home" banner for him that he saw as he walked up the stairs:

The third day I wasn't going to be home until 9 (YW) so I bought him his favorite snacks to have while I gone for the evening:

 The fourth day I brought the "Welcome Home" banner to the bus stop and waiting for him when he got off.

The fifth day didn't get a picture.

I was just going to have it be the first week but the Bishop told Remy "It won't last" so now I feel like I should keep it going plus it's fun. We'll see...

I am so thankful that Remy has this job and that he is able to work to provide for our family. He is such an amazing man and I am so grateful for all the things he does. 

Me ... And a gun ... and a man ... on the floor

Today is Father’s day. Today we honor those men who brought us into being. Fatherhood is a blessing, an learning experience, a test of endurance, patients and character. For some it might even seem like a curse at times. We have fathers who are tough (but fair, right?), and we have fathers who spend their entire lives devoted to the well-being of their families. Then there are some fathers who just beat their kids to instill discipline, or because the bottle or stress tell them to, but don’t worry, this isn’t one of those stories. No matter what kind of father we have, we often take the opportunity to regale anyone who will listen with amusing, tragic or sweet anecdotes of fatherly life-shaping which helped mold us into the people we are today.

            I’m going to take that tradition to heart. So join me will you?

My dad was once an auxiliary RCMP officer and – as I only today found out – a shooting instructor. So I thought, what better way to honor my father than by telling the story of my first memory of him. It all began with two big guns and two dead men,  and it ended with a lesson that has followed me all my life.

I am a six-year-old boy, playing innocently in my dad’s office. He is an auxiliary police officer. I love the crisp smell of the uniform.  Dad would go out and take down the bad guys like a movie hero. I know I shouldn’t be in here, but I am very curious. Dad keeps two enormous guns in an unlocked plastic box. I want to touch them. I want to feel their weight and play with their moving parts. I want to take down the bad guys just like dad.

The guns slide easily out of their foam cushions.  To my tiny hands, they are like two great cannons. Big boomers that can stop evil people. One is slightly larger than the other. It’s a 357, and I can’t hold onto it! But the other fits in my little hands snugly. It’s a 38 special! Now  I am Officer Remy Chartier; bad guys beware!

Two gangsters attack me from the open door. Boom! Boom! They’re dead. Their blood will get the carpets all icky. Sorry, mom. Another jumps through the open window. Boom! Back out the window with you, scoundrel! One huddles under the desk. “Mercy! Mercy!” he shouts.

“You’re under arrest!” I say. “Hands behind your head! One false move and I’ll shoot!” He obeys, and I slap the cuffs on him. He’s going to jail for the rest of his life!

Boom! A bullet hits me in the side. Luckily I wear a bullet-proof vest. I spin around. Another gangster stands in the open door pointing his gun at my head. Where did he come from? The hall must have softened his footsteps. I try to run. But I can’t move fast enough! Boom! He shoots me in the head, and for a moment I stumble around like Chucky when he was still human and the cops shot him at the beginning of Child’s Play. Am I bleeding badly? I think I might be. As I stumble around, my head hits the corner of Dad’s desk. It hurts so bad! I am suddenly just a six-year-old boy again, blearily peering down at the gun that, nine years later would very nearly put a bullet between my eyes for real.

Dad calls me into his office later that day, and I know I’m in big trouble. He had the guns sitting on his desk. I can’t see his expression, but I don’t have to. He makes me sit down.

“You been playing with Daddy’s guns?”

“No.”

Of course I said “no”. I was just a child, playing childish games. I don’t remember the conversation my dad and I had that day, but one very important lesson was born from it. My dad told me: “A gun, even an unloaded one is a tool, not a toy.”

I have never forgotten such a simple, yet practical lesson. I detest firearms. Not because they are tools used for killing, but because of the sheer arrogance and finality they bring about. Through the years, I’ve seen that the way of the gun leaves no room for survival. One who holds the gun can kill at a distance, and never get their hands dirty. It’s a cold and impersonal way to kill, and running is often futile.

I love you always forever Near and far closer together Everywhere I will be with you Everything I will do for you

Over the last few days Remy and I had a chance to celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary. Four years! It's been such an amazing experience. It has been so much fun celebrating this weekend and has been my favorite anniversary weekend extravaganza yet!

Thursday (May 24) was our actual anniversary and we kicked off with dinner on our deck. (sidenote: When I came home from being out Remy had my favorite flowers waiting for me, so that's actually what kicked it off.) We hung around the house for a bit before we went over to our friends Laura and Chris' house. They generously offered us a BOGO coupon to go see a movie (The Hunger Games- we read the series together so we thought it was fitting). We got to the movie theater (side note: We went to the 10pm showing because you know...WE CAN!), grabbed our snacks, hurried in (thinking we were late) only to find that we had the whole place to ourselves. It was so much FUN! I have never had that happen before. I mean I have had it come close with a late straggler ruining everything but this was a first. I was able to describe without whispering awkwardly in his ear, we were able to make inappropriately timed jokes, and yell out spoilers. Once we got home we sat on the couch and snuggled and talked. We talked about everything and laughed and just enjoyed each others company into the wee hours of the morning.

Friday- Ain't no party like a Chartier party because a Chartier party don't STOP! ( I mean I am a Zigler and we are known as the partiers!) ANYWAY so we continued the party on Friday evening. We got ready and snapped some pictures (and by some I mean like 50,000 but you will only see 2) and headed out for dinner.

We went to the Rendezvous (which we love!) and had fantastic food. We even got a free dessert once they found out it was our anniversary, bonus! We then walked down by the waterfront and stayed for the sunset. Isn't living by the ocean the best?
 

Once we came home we watched a show from our DVR (Touch) because some of us are too old to stay up for a movie (*cough* Remy *cough* Does anyone have a hard candy? I seemed to have developed a cough.) When the show was over we light some candles, popped open our non-alcoholic bubbly, and ate our traditional anniversary cake. After the cake was eaten we gave each other our anniversary gifts. We each wrote each other a letter and then read it.  Remy went first (of course I cried)

My Dearest Chelsea,

            Four years and more have come and gone since I knew I loved you. It’s hard to believe we’ve been through so much. In all honesty I can’t help but marvel that you’re still with me. I know you think I’m silly, but there it is. You’re everything I always dreamed of in a wife, and everything I never found in another person. No one has ever treated me with so much respect, love and kindness.

I know I’m not always the best at showing it, but I appreciate everything you do. From making our houses feel like homes, to taking me everywhere, to being someone I can talk to and rant at. All of it makes me realize how lucky I am. I only hope I mean half as much to you as you do to me.

I love all the little jokes and sayings we have which nobody else gets. I love that we can be a world unto ourselves one day, and good friends and adventurous wanderers the next. I know you don’t always enjoy those latter times in the moment, but they always make for amusing memories to reflect upon. I love that you are so patient and kind to everyone, even though I know sometimes you probably want to throw things at them.

            I am a better person after having met you. I can sense the changes within me, though I know I have a long way to go. You have helped shape me into someone closer to who I always wanted to be. You have taught me to express myself, to compliment, and to put other people first. Because of you, I am more confident and hopeful. I love you for all of that, and for just being you. I know this is only the beginning of our life together, and I look forward to the next four – the next forty – the next four thousand years.

With all my love,

Remy – your eternal husband.

And then it was my turn (and of course I cried)

To my dearest husband,

Four years! Isn’t that crazy to think about. Is some ways it seems to have gone by so fast and in other ways it feel like we’ve always been together, we’ve always been us.  This letter may have a few clichés but it’s only because I feel they really describe how I feel and they are going to come straight from my heart. I hope I am able to express to you how much I love you and how much you mean to me.

I love you more now than the day we got married. As I was growing up I knew I wanted to be married. I really really wanted to have a husband and home. I planned my wedding (oh dear heavens did I ever!) but I never once in the process forget that once the wedding was over I would be married. I found both of the ideas fun and exciting (the wedding and the being married).  I tried to prepare for marriage by learning homemaking skills and reading lots of ensign articles about what makes a good marriage. With all my preparation and planning (as with most things in life) I had no idea what marriage would really be like. I could never have imagined, certainly hoped but never imagined, that it would be so wonderful, so rewarding, and such a blessing in my life.

Throughout our marriage (well so far because it’s not like we’re done or anything) you have taught me so much.  I am constantly amazed at how much I am learning from you.  I am only going to touch on a few of those things in this letter but please know you have and still are teaching me so much. One of the most powerful lessons I have learned through being married to you is service.  You are so willing to do whatever I ask, always so willing to help me in any way you can, and always so willing to get me whatever I need. I knew that we would need to serve each other in our marriage but in my young selfish state I was worried “If I put his needs before my own, who will take care of me?”  I never should have worried because you have done the same. You are constantly putting my needs first and with both of us looking after each other it has made for a happy marriage. If we ever get asked what makes for a happy marriage I will tell them- service.

You have taught me how to become the woman I want be. This might sound a little strange but hear me out. As we both know, I have a gentle and sensitive personality. It’s simply how I was made and you recognize those qualities in me.  You not only recognize those traits but you let me be those. You have never belittled my sensitivity or made me feel less because of my gentleness.  You have allowed me to understand that those are my greatest strengths. Not every husband would. Not every husband would hold me as I cry when I think of the homeless people in the winter, or smile when I talk about something that has especially touched my heart.  You have allowed me to blossom as a woman and because of that I feel like I can more fully fill my role as a wife and someday mother.

You have also taught me to become a better wife. By being a kind and gentle husband it has made me want to be a kind and gentle wife. Even when we have moments where we encourage one another do improve on a behavior you are always so gentle and kind with me.  You make me want to be better.

Neither of us has seen a good example of how marriage is “suppose” to be and I love that we are winging it together.  I think so far so good!  I love you so much and I can’t wait to see how the rest of our lives turn out and where life takes us.  I hope we can keep learning from each other, learning about each other (crunchy peanut butter), and growing together.  I am so excited that I get to keep you for eternity!

Your loving wife

After we read our letters we reminisced about the last four years and made predictions about what our next year will look like. We still have a few things planned yet (like checker on Sunday) but so far it's all been amazing.
 

 Any great ideas on how we should spend our next one? I mean 5 YEARS!

P.S. When I was trying to figure out what song title to use for this post this song came on the radio while we were driving home from the waterfront. Fate? I think so!

I want to thank you

We're back (again). I've written about 100 different blog posts in my head in the last three months and then by the time I got to computer completely forgot them. does anyone else do that?

The last three months have been hard with recovering both mentally and physically. It took me a long time to feel back to myself in both respects but I am doing much better! I have tried to thank each of you individually but I also wanted to publicly thank everyone who came to our aid in our time of need. I can never express how much the cards, gifts, e-mails, meals, prayers, visits, talks, and kind words meant to Remy and I. Being away from our families is hard, we miss out on holidays, parties, visits, and help when we need it. It was such humbling feeling knowing there were so many of you who love us and were willing to step in. Remy and I are astounded and humbled by the people we are lucky enough to call our friends.

When the love came pouring in from so many amazing people, I felt so overwhelmed by it. I told my mom that I didn't feel like I deserved everything everyone was doing for us. She asked me what people need to do to deserve kindness from me. I quickly replied nothing! She then followed up with, but YOU have to earn it?

If I have to be away from my family you are exactly the people I want to surround myself with. I can never thank you (all of you) enough nor tell you how much it all meant to us. The whole experience has taught me so much and I feel like it really was something I needed to go through.

Some days I am totally fine and can talk about babies and pregnancy til the cows come home and some days seeing a mother with her baby can cause me to burst into tears. And I think that's fine, hard, but fine. I'm healing. I also don't mind talking about my pregnancy, it's something I went through and can relate to a lot of women while they are going through at least the first trimester. I hope it doesn't make too many of you uncomfortable when I bring it up. Some day I will even be able to commiserate about the whole 9 months!