Where would you like to be in 10 years?

I usually skip over writing prompts like this or completely groan and die a little when I have to answer this or do an essay on this topic. Today, after looking over tons of other writing prompts I decided to tackle this and maybe write why I hate this question. 
I hate this questions because I think, I'm just trying to survive this hour, day, week, month how am I suppose to write about YEARS at a time. In ten years I will be 38 and there will be so many variables between now and then. My life is impacted by two other lives right now and before they were here it was my parents.
I am obviously not a dreamer haha! I don't really have dreams or hopes for my life. I hoped I would get married and I did that. That was about it. Sometimes I let myself dream a little bit but then quickly talk myself out of it by thinking of the practicalities. "Well that's not at all realistic. In order for that to happen xy and z would have to happen."
SO ten years from now (so ridiculous) I don't know. Not even in my dream world can I picture something.
I'm not a dreamer, I don't have goals beyond a year, I'm just trying to survive today, and I hate this question.

• What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

 When I first saw that question my first response was go back to school. I would go back to school and take classes and more classes! I realize I would also have to have unlimited funds so I'm not sure how that would work. There are so many careers I would love to go to school for and try out. I am interested in so many things but also I just want to learn so many things so to go back to school and be promised that no matter what class I took I wouldn't fail, I would love that. 

Write my book(s!) finally. I have so many novels started and late at night while I'm trying to sleep I will write more in my head which I promptly forget as soon as I wake up. It's not a fear of failing to get them published that keeps me from writing because I don't really care if any of them get published or read for that matter I just want to finish them. SO I'm not sure what's holding me back but if I had the promise that when I started writing that I would finish I think I would do it. (Kind of sounds like something I could actually make happen)

Feel less guilty about parenting. If I knew that there was no way to fail as a parent and all I had to do was try to do my best I would walk around feeling way less guilty. 

Be more honest with people. Tell them how they hurt me or offended me or things that I'm struggling with or how I really feel about things and just be promised that it will go well. By well I just me that we both are completely honest and both leave the conversation feeling good and resolved. 
 
I wish I could ask more questions about this question.  "what do you mean?" "Can you define it a bit more?"

• What is your favorite hot drink, and how do you make it? 

My top three are hot chocolate, tea, and apple cider but Michigan apple cider I mean the other stuff is fine but there is nothing like Michigan Apple cider. 

 Hot chocolate I start by filling my mug with a few splashes of milk and then I add some flavored coffee creamer. My current favorite is chocolate mint truffle. Then I add the powder with the mini marshmallows and then fill the rest of the mug with boiling water. I sip slowly and go into diabetic comma! haha!

Tea- I only really like the fruit teas and mint but I'm not a huge tea drinker. I'm trying to get better about that since it's nice to have a warm drink at the end of the day during the winter and sometimes all the sugar is just too much.  I did have a dream last night where I tried a different kind of tea and really liked it a lot (hahaha! what an odd dream. I will have to look that one up)

Here on the Island I just buy those apple cider packets and they are fine.In Michigan I would go to the apple orchard and buy apple cider and then either heat it up on the stove or in the microwave. Oh yum. 

Oh yes, my child, I love you. My child, I'll always care for you.

My sweet little darling,

This letter was supposed to be all finished up on Mother’s Day but I have been taking care of a very sick little babe (you) and have had to put my letter on hold. You poor soul.

A whole year has passed and we have had such a lovely time getting to know each other. You are 20 months now and I just can’t believe we’ve had you so long. We will probably say it a lot but time goes so quickly these days. Today is Mother’s Day and such a wonderful time to reflect on being your mom. There are some days when I just think, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing and other days when I think, hey I got this! But loving you is always constant. Some things I love about you:

You are so concerned for others. You are always so concerned when you see or hear others crying. Even in the book we read there is a part where the little fox is crying and whenever we get to that page we have to stop and talk about it. When someone is crying around you, you try to make them laugh. It’s so sweet and adorable but looks funny to anyone who doesn’t know what you are trying to do. You will go up to the person and either just start laughing at them (trying to get them to laugh) or do something silly. I try to explain to other parents that you are trying to help and not being rude when you laugh at another child crying. The other day I was having a hard day (you will understand this but you will definitely understand this as a mother) and you found me crying. You took me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom and patted the bed for us to lay down and snuggle. My heart almost burst with love. I have so many similar stories of your interactions with me and others. 

You are so funny! Seriously, you do super hilarious stuff all the time. You are always making your dad and I laugh. You love to be silly. You have a fake laugh and a real laugh and I love both. When your dad comes home we will go over our days either over dinner or after you’ve gone to bed and I always have a story about you that makes us both laugh. You absolutely brighten up when you’ve gotten us to laugh so I make sure that no matter what I’m feeling if you are doing something to make me laugh, I laugh. You will say “hmmmm…” before saying “yes” “no” or “maybe” and it always makes me laugh. You will whisper “wow” in the sweetest voice at the most hilarious times. 

You are so helpful. I know this is pretty common with kids your age but I hope it stays. You love to run and grab things for us. If something spills you quickly run and grab a towel so wipe it up. You love to wipe our noses and have us pretend cough into tissues. You are so quick to throw your clothes in the laundry hamper or to clean up your toys. In the morning you will bring me a shirt to put on to start our day. The other day I was chatting with you about how I didn’t know what I was going to wear and you pulled back the door of where I keep my clothes and pointed to them and then I said “I just don’t know which ones to wear though.” You went into my laundry hamper and pulled out a pink shirt for me.  You’ve also brought me a pillow while I did my stomach exercises on the floor, and your water bottle to drink while I worked out. Just now we were playing block and you said “all done” and started putting them away. I want to remember all of these little moments just in case you grow out it J

You are smart. So smart. I know all moms say that and it’s probably the case here and you are probably just on track; but you do things that just blow me away. I can see in your eyes that you understand what I am saying and you will more often than not do what I ask or answer appropriately.  You know animal noises, tons of words (most other people can understand  but some are just you and I), your body parts, how to count to three (all I say is “count” and you do!”) and some days four,  we are currently working on colors. You love books and that just make my heart so happy. You are such a great problem solver and just so clever.  You are so good about communicating what you need and I love how your eyes light up and you smile when I’ve got it right. You can sign “all done” and “more” you can also say them but before you could it was a life saver! 

You are such a little chatter box and storyteller…at home. You aren’t much for talking when we are out and about but at home you just talk and talk and talk. The other night when you woke up at 2 a.m. (sick little thing) you went on and on with quite the story. It was darling and I didn’t mind because you were so happy and had so much to tell me. I was less happy when you woke up at 6 a.m. in a terrible mood.  (We won’t even mention last night and what you put me through, just know you owe me lady!)

You are so loving. Although you aren’t one for lots of hug and kisses much to my disappointment (although that doesn’t stop me!) you are so loving. You take such good care of your baby and stuffed animals. You are so  gentle but so fierce at times that I wonder how all of that can fit into such a tiny person.

 

I will finish it off (I could go on and on!) with talking about how we’ve entered the toddler tantrums. When I was pregnant and when you were a newborn I read a lot about parenting. The new thing is called time-ins. They talk about how kids shouldn’t have time outs anymore to be left alone to deal with their emotions but time-ins to work through it with their parent and have someone help them with all their feelings. Obviously that’s a huge sum up and there is a bit more to it but anyway. When I read that I thought “yes! That makes so much sense that’s what I will do. Of course kids need to feel loved and helped through their emotions. I will totally be that Mom.” As with all my parenting plans you came with your own ideas.  When you are in a tantrum the absolute WORST thing we can do is interact with you in anyway. I am not talking about us trying to do a time-in with you once and it didn’t work, we’ve tried SO many times. I can’t quite put into words how much worse it is when we try to hold you, hug you, talk to you, move you, anything that interacts with you. You calm down SO much quicker when you are by yourself and being ignored. Like actually cuts the time in half. So just know that I was all ready to be “that” kind of mom but you did not like it. 

Sitting so sweetly for Mother's Day.

Eliza, I love being your mom. It’s amazing and challenging and something I am proud to be. You bring so much joy and laughter into my life. I am so happy you are mine for eternity. The true joy of motherhood is the little moments throughout the day that I get to share with you and be apart of. I love you and hope and pray you always feel loved by me, your dad, and your Heavenly Father. We are all on your side.Thanks for letting me try out all my parenting ideas on you, I have no idea what I'm doing

Clap Along If You Know What Happiness Is To You

Last month I joined the #100HappyDays challenge. I joined it knowing that this time of year is hard. It's hard because it's cold and gray and rainy, it's hard because it's stressful with the holidays, it's hard because we usually get sick, it's hard because I usually get homesick. So when I came across this challenge I honestly couldn't think of a better time to do it. How wonderful to purposefully set out to find something that made me happy each and every day. While I knew that this was going to be a good thing I had no idea what a great thing it would end up being. Throughout my day I am constantly thinking that could be it, or maybe I want to use that, but this one!

I have been able to post 40 days without missing one which I am both pleased and surprised by. I hope and plan to do the full 100 but will be happy even with the amount I've done. I have posted a lot of picture of Eliza, I've noticed, but as we spend 10 hours a day of one-on-one time together I feel like that seems pretty appropriate.  It's been lovely seeing the collection of pictures and some themes my family, my friends, my hobbies, laughs, these all make me happy. I am so happy I have found this challenge and hope to continue for all the 100 days.

My favorites

Got away to enjoy some crafting time.

Lovely pedicures with Leah that I am still enjoying the benefits of.

The Chemainus Dinner Theater with Remy. We were front row and it was wonderful!

Our yearly tradition of the singing Christmas Tree. This year I didn't get a chance to get tickets to it so I asked Remy to ask the usher for one.

Two months of freezer meals that I am so very thankful we have! I am sad and thankful at the same time that they are getting used up.

My out of my comfort zone pants that I love.

One of our at home date nights. Nachos and Pitch Perfect.

My tiny little chef.

She begs to play in the car regularly. Sometimes we sit out there for an hour or more while she plays.

Our Christmas Day. It was lovely.

Boxing Day with Remy's family. So wonderful to have them!

Selfies with my gal.

Building some block towers.

Swimming!

Getting a fun package in the mail.

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree

I feel like I need to blow the dust off before I post a blog post. As I have been preparing my lesson for this Sunday I have been practically hit over the head with the impression that I need to journal more. I need to record our lives, all of it. I don't need to share with everyone all of it but I need to record it. I felt this same way about becoming organized last year and I did pretty well with that so here is hoping.

I have been thinking a lot lately about our Christmas tree. We were debating on whether we were going to put one up at all this year. Where would we put it? Would she bother it? Would it be a cause of frustration? Was it all worth it? On December 23rd I answered all those questions and out the boxes came and up the tree went. I am so happy we did. Every year it makes me so happy to see. The Christmas tree and the lights add such a magic and romantic glow to the living room.

I had the opportunity to experience Christmas trees in three different ways growing up. My dad's way, my mom's way, and my grandma's way. Through these very different experiences I got to see what I did and did not want to carry on to my own family.

My Mom's way was very hmm..precise. Her tree was always so very beautiful, was/is always magazine perfect, and artificial. We would get the tree up followed by the lights and then there was a very specific system for the bows, ribbons, ornaments, decorative whatnots. It always took a long time but so gorgeous everyone who came over would ooohh and ahhh.

My Dad's way was very cold. Every year we all would bundle up and travel to a Christmas tree farm where we would get on a big tractor that would leave us in the middle of nowhere to find our trees. It ALWAYS took FOREVER. We needed to find the exactly perfect tree no exceptions. I remember one year trudging through the snow coming up with headlines for my obituary because I was so sure I was going to die while Christmas Tree shopping. (I even remember thinking," then they would be sorry!") We would eventually find the perfect tree come home and put the lights on only to have to sometimes restring them then we could put the ornaments on. I always liked the after part of it when we would then sit in the living room with the lights off just sitting and talking.

My Grandma's way was my favorite. She would put her tree up and then invite Ashley and I over to come decorate it anyway we liked. We had white lights and colored lights and tinsel and ornaments. We would put it all on and it was so much fun. If any of my Aunts dared criticize the tree she would quickly come to our defense. She liked it that way and it was beautiful.  The best part was that every year my aunts, uncles, and cousins would all come over to my Grandma and Papa's for Christmas and we would open presents in front of that beautiful Christmas Tree.

Our Christmas tree is still taking shape even though we've been married almost 7 years. We've only had a Christmas tree for two of them. It's absolutely artificial no doubt about that, pre-lit also a requirement, as far as the rest of the decorations go it's just our childhood ornaments we received upon moving out. The ornaments and decorations will morph as the years go on I am sure but the pre-lit artificial Christmas tree will always remain. 

I know a name a glorious name...is it the name of Mother

To my sweet little love bug,

Today is Mother’s Day (May 11, 2014) and I can’t think of a better time to reflect on why I love being your mother. We have had a chance to get to know each other for eight months now. There have certainly been some growing pains as with any new relationship while we figure each other out, but the ever expanding love I feel for you has amazed me.

Every day you are learning so much about the world around you. I am in constant awe of how quickly and determinedly you learn. One day you will just be able to do something new that you couldn’t do yesterday. You are a constant and I do mean constant wiggle bum. Sometimes during Sacrament meeting your dad and I will look at each other and laugh because we can’t seem to get you still. Even nursing you are always on the move. Sometimes you will hold your little foot and bring it up to your ear if I have you in a position that makes moving hard. You will certainly keep us on our toes.

Your smile and laugh. Oh man I will do just about anything in front of anyone to get you to smile or laugh. It absolutely brightens my day. I have to say your sly little smile is one of my favorites, usually it’s right before you do something super funny or before you grab/go after something you aren’t supposed to. When I see it I know I need to keep an eye on you.

You are a jokester. We knew you would be. Your dad and I love to make people laugh and love to laugh and joke together so we hoped you would to. You do the funniest things and look so pleased with yourself when you’ve gotten me to laugh, which I always comply. We have so much fun playing together! You have starting giving me raspberries while you nurse and I burst out laughing every time!!

You are fierce. You came out that way. I really love that about you already. I can see you are going to be strong and a force to reckon with. My goal is to help you “use your powers for good”. I really think you can help accomplish great things in the world with all the passion you have. I want to help you find something you can put your heart into and use your strength. You are very sure of what you want and that will help you in this world you have to grow up in. You set very clear boundaries with the children you play with or people who get too close. You go girl!

You are so friendly. You love to smile at people and play games with them. Not everyone knows your game of hiding into me and then peeking back out to smile so sometimes when they don’t play with you, you don’t quite understand. The other day we were outside the bank waiting for dad to finish up work. You happily smiled and waved at all the people and cars going by. You did your ridiculously adorable scrunchie face too which made some drivers laugh. A big burly man even was reduced to a baby voice to talk to you when he walked by. You make people fall in love with you.

You are so sweet. You become so concerned when others are sad or crying. When other children or babies near you are crying you try to rub them or look to me with concern in your eyes if you can’t reach them. You are so gentle (most of the time) with your touches. My heart melts watching your sweetness.

You are smart. Holy cow are you smart. You watch, and figure things out. You learn things so quickly.  

You are also a little stinker when you are mad. Haha! I have to add this because you will want to read this when you are older so here are just a couple of them…When you don’t want to go in the car seat you will arch your back and flail so it’s practically impossible to put you in! I give you a snuggle and try again and you will do it as many time as I try to put you in. I had to take a shower when your dad wasn’t home and the shaving cream can was on the side of the tub. You were so mad I was taking a shower that you stood on the side of the tub shook the shower curtain and when you really had had it you pushed that shaving cream can right at me. Well I had to go to church today with one leg shaved and one not because of that!! Getting you dressed is actually like wrestling an alligator. You will roll and crawl and push my hands away and do everything in your power to keep me from putting clothes on you. And I am the luckier one, you put your poor dad through much worse. Sometimes when you are really mad at me you will pinch me under the chin. Good thing you are so cute!

I can’t believe how much I have learned about you and your little personality in just 8 months. I can’t wait to see how much more I grow to love you and learn about you. I love being your mom. I have so many hopes and dreams for you. I think about them so often, but I think the biggest hope I have for you is that you will always ALWAYS know how much you are loved by me, your dad, and your Heavenly Father.

I love you so much forever and ever my bubbaloo

Your loving Mom

For I am of worth, Of infinite worth

There is so much to update the blog on that it would be impossible to do in one night. Our cruise (oh our glorious cruise, sigh, it almost hurts a little to think about it), my pregnancy, completing our baby bucket list, our last summer, baby prep, doing the nursery, HAVING A BABY, our struggles and triumphs, her sweet firsts. I have kept haphazard notes on each with hopes of fleshing it out in the blog so I hope I will get to. I need to write this first.

I have been feeling the need bubbling up in me for weeks. I keep pushing it down with excuses but when it resurfaces it becomes stronger. I need to do something creative. Anything. I need to be creative like some people need to go outside, or cook, I need it to be me. It's been just recently that I've recognized how important it is.  I have been devaluing my gifts and talents because I have telling myself they aren't useful. Poppy cock. I wouldn't be blessed with these if they weren't. Although even as I type this I can't help but think of all the talents and gifts that are useful and start to compare. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. I must remind myself, imagine if Mozart, Leonardo Da Vinci, Jane Austen, felt that their talents weren't useful enough so they hid them. Our world would have a little less beauty in it. What a sad thought.

Growing up creativity and crafts were a regular occurrence and encouraged. There is something so uplifting when you see something you've created either to beautify the home, add beauty and a story to otherwise plain pictures, brighten someones day, or to be useful. The arts are truly something to be valued.

When I moved out my mom was no longer there to give me a steady stream of praise for my crafty ways but I didn't let that stop me. No, what was discouraging was realizing that my homemade cards that I spent hours on received the same amount of appreciation as a card I spent a dollar on, my scrapbooks sat on the shelf, my homemade gifts were either unappreciated or not used and so I began to devalue my talents because it seemed that everyone else did.

I need to do this for me and stop doing it in hopes of praise and appreciation. So my goal this week is to do something creative (or I'm going to burst!!!) and I have a long list to choose from:

• writing (I have so many ideas started that I would love to take shape)
• journal (blog included)
• make a collage (I have notebooks of collages that I used to do)
• knit
• crochet
• paint
• draw 
• scrapbook 
• sew
• work on a photobook
• a craft

I need to put this at high priority because I feel myself slipping away, so here I am clawing to keep from be buried. Be creative or bust!!!