Deadlock Part 6 - Remy the Singer

My mother will tell anyone who stops to listen how much I sang as a little child. She’d often be getting ready for work, and I’d be singing songs. My memories of doing so are spotty at best. I do recall singing the song Tiny Bubbles when I was five, but I changed the words to “tiny boobies”. That does sound like me. Still, Where writing, acting and music flourished, singing is something I gave up quite quickly. Considering how much music I listened to, that is somewhat surprising.

When I was ten, my parents separated. It was necessary; nobody was happy and they were not good together. And apparently I was a miserable little turd.  One of my mom’s memories after the separation was hearing me hum along to a piece of music while I was playing a video game. That solidified to her that the separation was the right thing, because it was the first time she’d heard me “sing” since I was really young. I remember doing that. I also remember being extremely self conscious when I found out I had been overheard. There may have been some truth to my improving mental state, but to this day, I am incredibly self-conscious about my singing. I’m not one to belt out or even hum a tune, especially if others are around. Of all my talents, I feel like singing is my weakest. And yet, at the right place and time, I will sing, and I’ve gotten enough positive reinforcement that I guess there’s some ability there. In fact, the entire chain of events leading up to me meeting my wife only occurred because I sang.

 People remember I can sing. Someone once even fell in love with me in part because I sang. Despite my self-consciousness, I sang several times at the talent shows at Bowen Island, the summer camp for the visually impaired I attended in my teens. Mostly I did so without any instrument accompaniment. It was fun, and got some laughs, which is a ... good thing? Maybe? For some reason, singing in front of a bunch of people is easier for me than singing around my wife, or anyone else I care about. It was during a talent show as a young  adult that I caught the attention  of someone. Particularly, it was after the talent show was over. I had sung “Shy” By Sonata Arctica, which I think I do a pretty decent job with. I ran into a girl that night, and after talking for a while, I mentioned I’d sung in the talent show. She was sorry she’d missed it, and asked me to sing it for her now. Somehow I got up the nerve, to sing with no instruments in front of a near stranger, and it left an impression on her. We fell hard and dated for a few months. She prompted me to leave Prince George – not to move to where she lived, but to strike out on my own, because I was stagnating there. We didn’t work out, but because of that move, I was in the right place and right time to sing another song during a gathering, which introduced me to a guy who was interested in my voice and wanted me to join his band. That absolutely did not happen, but it was because I met him that I was in the right place and right time to meet the woman who has now been my wife for almost seventeen years. So, long story short, I owe a lot of my life to singing, even if it is something I struggle with. But I have to be in a mood, and a circumstance, and if that sounds confusing to you, imagine how I feel.

Singing won’t leave me alone. I guess, like with music, I have some innate talent. But unlike voice acting or composing, you can’t rely on innate talent alone. That hasn’t stopped me from trying though. I’ve composed two songs with vocals. The first was for my wife. She’s heard it once, and it took me forever to even feel comfortable enough to share it with her. I know she really appreciated it, but truth be told, the vocals are not good. Yet. The second was a cover of a song which I made all cinematic. That one took me a long time to get up the nerve to sing too, but it’s genuinely not half bad. And by that, I mean it won’t make peoples’ ears bleed, but won’t win me any notoriety either. Still, it is an achievement, and its success has made me think it might just be time to dig out Chelsea’s song and redo its vocals, or, just maybe write something new.

At the very least, I can consider myself a song writer. I’ve written lyrics for quite a few songs now. Yes a couple were written in high school, but all of them are actually pretty decent. I’ve always longed to do more with them. I think with some training and work, I might be able to. Question is, is it worth the time, effort and potential financial investment? You don’t just take a course online and learn to sing instantly. I know this because I already did it. I have several courses I’ve done, and several more I have yet to do. All bought and paid for already. The question is, is this a skill I want to invest in?  The big issue here is time. Like with so much of my life, there’s never enough of it. And unlike voice acting, music and my actual job, this is just something that would be fun to do. There’s no guarantee it’ll do anything for me. I’m not even sure I’d want it to, aside from maybe releasing some music on Apple Music or Spotify just for fun. Writing this now, it almost sounds like I’ve made up my mind, doesn’t it? I don’t even have a numbered list of pros and cons for this one. Still, like all these other endeavours pulling me this way and that, singing won’t leave me alone!